by Lucy on October 20, 2011
19 October 2011
Dear Hugh Dancy,
I recently watched your film Adam where you play a man with Asperger’s Syndrome, which was quite a coincidence because two days earlier I watched a South Park episode where Stan was diagnosed as having Asperger’s but Cartman thinks it’s called AssBurgers and starts his own burger chain.
Anyway, I really liked your film, so I googled you and found out another coincidence which is that you’re from Stoke on Trent, and Steve is from Stoke on Trent too! Wait, there are even more coincidences to come! Stoke on Trent was the subject of a documentary on BBC4 on Monday night! It was actually very interesting, about Josiah Wedgwood and the rise and fall of the pottery industry, and as a result I found out that Steve’s granddad was a Saggarmaker’s Bottom-knocker at one of the potteries. What was your granddad? One of mine was a postman, and the other worked at Mars (the chocolate one, not the planet, although that would have been another coincidence because you like planets in that film). Which brings me to my final coincidence, because on Wikipedia it says that you are going out with Claire Danes, and she plays a star in Stardust, and Adam also loves stars!
I’m sure you’ll agree that that’s quite a lot of coincidences and/or very tenuous links, and so by way of acknowledgment of my efforts it would probably be appropriate for you to send me a signed photo please.
Yours sincerely,
Lucy Knight
by Lucy on August 7, 2011
06 August 2011
Dear Geo Comparo,
I am writing to let you know about my newfound regard for opera. I thought it was just about fat people (no offense) singing foreign songs but I was so wrong! Some of them aren’t fat and sometimes they sing in English, like on your adverts. I have just bought Puccini’s Madama Butterfly on CD and while it’s no JLS, it’s still good. So I was wondering whether you might be able to send me a signed photo. I don’t know any other British opera singers apart from Rhydian and I find his hair disturbing.
Yours sincerely,
Lucy Knight
by Lucy on August 6, 2011
05 August 2011
Dear Chris O’Dowd,
I saw you the other day in Bridesmaids and thought you were brilliant! When did you suddenly get hot?! That was a new one on me, anyway. One minute you’re this geeky IT guy (no offense, some of my best friends are geeky IT guys), and then you’re in a Richard Curtis film and then WHAM you’re in a properHollywoodblockbuster as the sexy love interest! What the I don’t even.
I read on wikipedia that you are fromIreland. My Grannie was from Newry which is mostlyNorthern Irelandbut who really distinguishes between the two nowadays anyway? I am a big fan ofIrelandas it brought us potatoes, Father Ted, and Dunnes Stores. I also read that you are Dawn Porter’s boyfriend and that pretty much cements the fact that you are a pin up as she is proper fit. Not that I’m suggesting you’re punching above your weight or anything, but you’ve done well there.
Maybe you could send me a signed photograph so I can show everyone how handsome you really are. Thanks.
Yours sincerely,
by Lucy on August 5, 2011
04 August 2011
Dear William Shatner,
I am writing to wish you a happy belated birthday as I understand you turned 80 this year. Congratulations! May I say that you are looking very well for your age. I can tell the force is strong with you. In fact, I wouldn’t normally consider bumping uglies with an old person but for you I would make an exception. Although my friend Ste informs me that you wear a toupé, and that might count against you. Embrace your baldness William! There are some very handsome and powerful bald men out there you know. Just look at Duncan Goodhue!
I am also writing because I am a bit of a sci-fi geek and it would really make my day if you could send me a signed photo of you and your lightsaber.
Yours sincerely,
Lucy Knight
by Lucy on August 4, 2011
03 August 2011
Dear David Schwimmer,
I am writing to let you know that my friend Sanjay is the spitting image of you. He was once voted Best Looking Asian in Bradford Revolution so that’s quite a compliment! A lot of people comment that he could play Ross from Friends in a Bollywood production, so I was wondering if, with your connections and directorial experience, this might be something you could look into? I am happy to act as his agent so feel free to pass the details to me initially.
Also, if you could send a signed photo it would really make his day. The Bradford Revolution thing was a few years ago now so he needs a bit of a boost. Thanks.
Yours sincerely,
Lucy Knight
