29th June 2010
Dear David Bowie,
I am writing to request a signed photograph, which I promise not to sell on eBay. I am actually a bit scared of eBay and its garish primary-colouredness, and the overuse of exclamation marks, and the risk of money-laundering scams… basically, your photo will be kept by me, and coveted by Steve, and that will be it. Although I can see us getting it out the photo album when we have guests, to show off and that, because a signed photo of David Bowie’s a pretty swish conversation starter, you’ve got to admit.
Anyway, I also wanted to let you know that my dog, Lisa, who died a few years ago, was a border collie. ‘So what?’ I hear you cry. Well, I’ll tell you ‘so what’, David Bowie, hold your horses! Border collies happen to be a breed of dog who are occasionally affected by heterochromia, which as you and I both know, means they have two differently coloured eyes. Like you! And Lisa! So there you have it – we’ve got something in common! So you definitely should send me a signed photo. And should you need a further reason to, I think all I need to say is ‘Labyrinth’. And maybe add ‘those tights’. I reckon they alone warranted a 12 rating rather than Universal but you must have had a fan on the BBFC.
Thanks in advance,
Lucy Knight
