letter | ollie locke

June 21, 2011

21 June 2011 Dear Ollie Locke, How are you, with your lovely hair? It really is quite something to behold. Do you use some sort of papaya extract on it? That’s my stock question to people with shiny locks – it’s from Friends. A lot of the things I say are actually just bastardised Friends [...]

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letter | ryan giggs

May 24, 2011

24 May 2011 Dear Ryan Giggs, I don’t know if it’s true or not but I heard a rumour that you cheated on your wife. Now I’m not being funny, but why the hell would you want to go and do that? She’s lovely! She’s actually the best thing about that thing on Sundays with [...]

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photo | neil mcdermott

May 8, 2011
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letter | rob webb

May 6, 2011

5 May 2011 Dear Rob Webb, I don’ t know if you’ll remember me, but I used to work in Forbuoys back in our village, and also in Smarties and I did a brief stint in Budgens and Bainland Park too in my time, and anyway, my reasons for writing are threefold. Firstly, I wanted to [...]

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letter | anthony welsh

May 4, 2011

02 May 2011 Dear Anthony Welsh, I came to see you in Precious Little Talent at the final matinée and sat on row B, seat 11, and I don’t know if you’ll remember me but I was the one with mascara all over her face thanks to all the sad bits. My friends and I [...]

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letter | aa gill

April 8, 2011

8th April 2011 Dear AA Gill, You seem to get a lot of bad press, Mr Gill, and I can’t understand why. You write perfectly objective restaurant reviews, and hardly ever say inappropriate comments alluding to sports presenters’ sexual preferences. What’s not to like? More importantly, you wrote Winnie the Pooh, and who doesn’t like [...]

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photo | greg james

March 28, 2011
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letter | charlie sheen

March 2, 2011

2 March 2011 Dear Charlie Sheen, How’s tricks, me old mucker? I heard you had a bit of bad news about your comedy show with that guy in from the 80s, so I thought I’d write you a letter to cheer you up a bit. Not that you really need it what with all the [...]

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letter | derek acorah

February 9, 2011

7 February 2011 Dear Derek Acorah, I think you’re the best celebrity psychic I’ve ever seen on Living TV’s Most Haunted, fact. You’re way better than Yvette Fielding, and you’ve got much cooler hair. I read on your website that you got your psychic ability from your gran who was a medium. Could you let [...]

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letter | julian assange

February 8, 2011

6 February 2011 Dear Julian Assange, I know my letter’s a bit late, but what with Christmas and everything and starting my new job I’ve been busy, so I hope you’re not mad. Anyway, I’d like to offer a significant contribution of £12.67, which happens to be the entire balance of my Post Office savings [...]

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